just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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