Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
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dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
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I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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