i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
