I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
