Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
