so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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