Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
