Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
