I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
