you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
