Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
