i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
