writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
