i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
