im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
