Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
