I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
