sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
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