the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS