nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.