He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
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we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
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It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........