You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?