Are you guys doing anything tonight?
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?