She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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