Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
