Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
