Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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