I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
