I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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