there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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