im six kinds of drunk right now
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
