You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Randomize
