Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
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