I love black thongs
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
