I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
