Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize