Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Randomize
