We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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