margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
