I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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