When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
This is my gift to your gina
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.