Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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