I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
