I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
