SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
