the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Randomize
