last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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