Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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