I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
