Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
