Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
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