take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
