just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
