help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
