She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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