last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Randomize
