Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
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I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
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Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?