Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
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I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
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I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.