dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome