he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
23 People Reveal The Worst Culture Shock They’ve Ever Experienced While Traveling
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Holy sore nipples Batman
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?