Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS