beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
