Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
