I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
