I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
