he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize