I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
