Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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