Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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