PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize