It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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