I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
