it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
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