my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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