I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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