Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
