Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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