i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
