How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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