We need to rekindle our bromance
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
