You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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