i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
