I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
