my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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