it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
