I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
