hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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