the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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