last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
