Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
